The Dark Side Of The Beautiful Game

Football is regarded by billions of people across the world as the beautiful game. It transcends everything, from race to religion and it brings people and communities together to enjoy and create bonds through the love of the game.

Football helps to build confidence in children and adults alike, it helps people to make friends, it helps people to connect with those of similar interests and for those who are blessed with the talent to do so, they pursue the dream of playing football professionally in true daring fashion.

The beautiful side of football is there for everyone to see, but it has a dark side which affects thousands of kids each year. These kids will usually sacrifice many years to chase this dream of playing football professionally. When they’re eventually discarded by the same system which persuaded them to make these sacrifices, usually at a very young age, such as moving schools & moving from home at 14/15 years old, there is no form of support for these players once that dream is over and they need to adjust to everyday life. I will speak about my own story about my time playing for one of the biggest clubs in the world and the harsh realities and the dark side of the beautiful game which is rarely spoken of.

I, like many others, fell in love with football from a young age. Whilst living in Zimbabwe at the time, I remember watching the FIFA World Cup in 2002 won by a legendary Brazil team featuring the likes of Ronaldo, Ronaldinho and Rivaldo and from that day forward I knew I wanted to play professional football.

Fast forward to 2007 and I am now 13 years old living in Manchester and I’ve just signed for one of the biggest football teams in the world, Liverpool FC. The first few years at Liverpool FC were nothing short of a dream. The training, the facilities, everything about the environment was everything I”d dreamed it would be. I made incredible strides as a player during my time there and was awarded a youth team scholarship at the age of 15. The club decided to relocate me from Manchester to Liverpool so I could focus on football with the promise of helping to fulfil my dreams of having a career as a professional football player.

During my 2 years in the youth team I made a name for myself as a powerful and versatile attacking player who stood at 6’5 with a frame to resemble a basketball player rather than a footballer. Coming up to the last few months of my youth team contract I had interest from other clubs who were all offering me professional contracts and some were even prepared to pay large sums of money to make this happen. I had a meeting with Liverpool and they informed me that I had done more than enough over the last 2 years of my youth team contract to impress them and I was offered a 2 year professional football contract. I said yes with no hesitation as this was and is still to this day the club that I support, this is where I wanted to be and quite frankly where I deserved to be. I thought the best years of my life were about to begin, but if I could see into the future I would have rejected that contract and signed somewhere else. The beautiful game was about to turn into a real life nightmare.

A few weeks after putting pen to paper on a new 2 year professional contract, the man who had given me that contract, 1st team manager and Liverpool FC legend Kenny Dalglish lost his job. The club wanted to try something different and brought in a younger manager named Brendan Rogers. From the minute Brendan came in I knew it was going to be a difficult for me to progress at the club as he had a different football philosophy and attackers of my stature were not usually part of his plans, as was shown with Andy Caroll going on loan to West Ham and eventually signing for them during Brendan’s time at the club. I was sent on loan to Northampton Town for 6 months to get 1st team experience in the football league. I went to Northampton as a fresh and confident 18 year old, in my 7 starts for the club I scored once whilst playing on the left wing. I then returned to Liverpool at the end of my loan.

Upon my return to the club, there had a been a restructure within the management team of the reserve squad which I was a part of. Our manager and his coaches had been sacked, only the physiotherapists remained. I was then introduced to reserve manager Alex Inglethorpe who pulled me in for a meeting in his office within 3 days of me being back from my loan. In this meeting he asked me how the loan was and how the experience was for me. I explained that I thought it was a good loan, I learned a lot and gained valuable experience in my time there. I was looking forward to getting back to Liverpool and playing in the reserves for the remainder of the season to show what I’d learnt.

Whilst Alex agreed with me that my time on loan was good, he informed me that my playing time in the reserves team would be limited, as there had been a change in philosophy in the club, my opportunities to train with the first team would also be limited and be open mainly to those the club thought fit within that philosophy.

At this point I was 6 months into a 2 year contract so I still had 18 months left. I told Alex that at 19 years of age playing football was the most important thing for me, so if my playing time was going to be limited due to something I couldn’t control and the club had made this decision, it would be best for both parties if the club paid me off the remainder of my contract and I would happily go and sign else where, somewhere that would appreciate me for my attributes. Alex then proceeded to tell me that the club wasn’t in the position to be able to pay me off the remainder of my contract and that the meeting was over.

I spent the rest of that season solely training 6 days a week with no game time. No matter how hard I worked, how much I ran, how many goals I scored in training, I just couldn’t do enough in the eyes of Alex Inglethrope to even be able to make the bench for the reserves team. Considering I made my first appearance for the reserves team at the age of 16, I was now being told I’m not good enough to play in that same team at 19 years of age, but yet the club would not allow me to leave.

I was stuck, with no where to go, nobody to speak to. I was now being punished and embarrassed by being told to train with the youth team and I still wasn’t playing any games.

Over the next 18 months, I tried to leave on several occasions but all options were blocked. I was 19 years old and Liverpool decided to send me all the way to Scotland on loan, to newly promoted Partick Thistle, who I was told had personally requested for me as they had seen me play on my last loan with Northampton town. I had no support network in Scotland, no friends, no family, nothing.

Once arriving at Partick I was welcomed by the manager who told me about his vision for building a young team that season and promised me that I would feature and would play an important role in the club, not only staying up in the Scottish premier league but making their mark too. I was sold on this dream and featured heavily for Partick that year in pre-season. Once the season started, it almost felt like I was back at Liverpool. I wasn’t presented with one opportunity to play and just spent my days training 5 times a week and travelling with the squad on weekends up and down in Scotland watching us get thrashed on a regular basis.

I contacted Liverpool on several occasions to end my loan as I was in no better position at Partick as I would be in at Liverpool, to which I was personally contacted by Alex Inglethorpe who informed me that I had to stay at Partick until the end of my loan contract and if I was to return at the club before then I would be suspended and fined for misconduct.

I was then informed, by someone on the coaching staff at Partick Thistle who felt sorry for me and my situation at the time, that Partick had not actually asked for me personally. He told me that I was sent to them by someone at Liverpool, as they had a connection with the club director at Partick. The instruction was to keep me there and ensure I didn’t get any game time which they succeeded in. To add insult to injury in my last month of the loan, Liverpool sent an advisor up to Scotland to speak to me. He let me know that when I returned to the club at the end of my loan, I would be offered a pay off for the remaining 6 months and be released by “mutual consent”. This really angered me as I felt this was now being done out of spite, as I was sent to Scotland to not play and lower my market value. Now that this had been achieved the club decided to release me, as they knew other clubs would not want to sign me after a very unsuccessful loan and 18 months with no game time.

My loan ended and I returned to Liverpool where I underwent severe mental torture. Every single day I would be pulled in for meetings or spoken to regarding my leaving and if I had made a decision on whether or not to take the pay off. I was being asked every day why am I still at the club, if I know i’m not going to play. This was very unfair as I was not in the position to take the money offered, as it would not sustain me for long enough to be able to keep myself fit without a club for 6 months, whilst trying to make my own contacts in the game so I could find a new club to sign for. After months of being mentally tortured, basically bullied and forced to train with the youth team as a professional footballer, I finally cracked. The pressure was too much and I hadn’t enjoyed my football for the past 18 months. Coming into training everyday had become hell for me, I’d lost all confidence in myself as a player and had no other choice but to accept whatever remained on my contract to leave the club for my own sanity.

After leaving the club I received no form of support, whether that be physical, mental or emotional. I was on the highway to a deep depression as a 20 year old and I had no idea what was in store for me. I tried my best to survive and stay fit that pre-season with what little money I had left. I had made contact with a few clubs and some wanted to see me on trial with a view to offer me a contract if I impressed, the clubs included, Sheffield United, Bury FC, Leyton Orient and Swindon Town.

Once it was time to attend these trials, the opportunities for me to be seen were pulled away from me every single time at the last minute, which further pushed me into a depressive state as I no longer had any contacts or opportunities. This would go on for a number of years and I would later find out that people from my past at Liverpool had been involved behind the scenes in my failed attempts at securing trials and contract opportunities.

These are things that happen in football till this very day and they need addressing, with serious consequences, as these actions have a direct impact on people’s lives and well being. I spent years depressed in a dark room back at my mum’s house self doubting, abusing my body with alcohol and not knowing who to turn to. Throughout that time I had no help from the club, which I had given all my teenage years to and been a servant for. I had no help from the PFA who claim to be there for players when we need them the most. Everything was dark, I had to fight a lonely battle for years to be able to get back on my feet, regain my confidence and most importantly seek help through a therapist to help me put to bed the trauma I had undergone whilst playing for Liverpool FC.

Fast forward a few years to today, I now finally work a full time job at the age of 27. I also have my own sports podcast “Athlete Culture Podcast”, where I speak to athletes and professionals in the culture and document their lives and careers from a raw point of view. I’m also looking to assist other players who are going through or may have been through similar situations to me as there are plenty out there. I will be actively speaking with clubs and organisations in the future, to urge them to do more, to put their money where their mouth is. The football industry, has many billion and million dollar organisations who profit from the talent and hard work of the players. Player care and mental wellbeing should be key at all levels from first team down to youth team.

Despite everything I have been through I still have a deep love for the game of football. I still support Liverpool FC, and I’m extremely passionate about raising awareness and making a change when it comes to player care and the mental wellbeing for players, whilst they’re at a club and once they’re released. I hope I have been able to give some deeper insight into some realities of football clubs and I hope you have enjoyed reading this post. I will be releasing more articles in the future with possible solutions and hopefully spark a wider conversation and eventual action from the powers that be.

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